I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she looked like the before picture.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
