I'm really into asian looking animals
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
