Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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