My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
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Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
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I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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