I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
