hotel room ftw
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
