ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
