What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
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