Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
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You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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