I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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