my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
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You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
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We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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