It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
