some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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