I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
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Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
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but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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