Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize