I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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