bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
