i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
