i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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