im drinking this country out of the recession.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Dating After Heartbreak
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.