they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
whose parrot is this?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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