my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again