I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?