she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
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If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
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I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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