the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.