The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize