Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
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Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
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Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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