This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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