How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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