oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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