Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
