I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
