Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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