It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
