Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
