Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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