So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
