i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
