My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
