2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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