I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
