Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
