Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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