This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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