She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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