it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize