He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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