Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
