another moral hangover. fuck.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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