I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
