I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
