i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
