he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
