oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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