i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
