Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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