I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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