I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
