I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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