we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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