I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
