It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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