did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
