I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
