Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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