my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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