its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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