hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
