i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
