I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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