We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
