I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize