Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
