I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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