She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
