what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
