My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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