fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
