He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize