all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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