i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.