I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
