it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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