she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
