Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
did i walk over a car last night?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
